11 Should I Say or Should I No?

Self-disclosure seems to be one of the more difficult ethical concepts to master.  Newer helpers especially struggle with the use of self-disclosure, which can take several forms: intentional, unintentional, and client-initiated.[1] When we intentionally self-disclose, we are choosing to share information about ourselves with a client. We might choose to express our feelings in the moment, or we might let a client know we have experienced a similar kind of loss. One piece of information often disclosed in substance use disorder treatment is the counselor’s recovery status.

Certain environments lend themselves to greater use of self-disclosure, while in other settings it tends not to come up. A therapist’s office, for example, might lend itself to higher degrees of personal exchange, whereas a busy hospital or public health facility where many people are moving around tends to discourage sharing of information.

Although we should never feel obligated to self-disclose, there might be times when it serves as an effective tool. Remember, self-disclosure is always about the client and should be for their benefit, not for ours. At the same time, clients are able to discern information about us and might form their own opinions about our race, gender identity, sexuality, recovery status, and socioeconomic status. It’s also possible they will go so far as to find information about us online. This could come from basic web searches or social media profiles.

Knowing this, it’s important to be mindful of what we are disclosing, both intentionally and inadvertently.

As helpers, we are not blank slates. In the early days of psychoanalysis, the therapist was cold and removed. The goal was to remain virtually anonymous to allow the client to project their own psyche onto the professional, which would then be reflected back to the client. Over time, the role of the professional has greatly evolved, and we should be grateful for that evolution. Being a professional helper does not mean being a robot or hiding all of our natural responses. As Jacquelyn Small has eloquently discussed in her book Becoming Naturally Therapeutic, most of us have an innate ability to connect to others on a meaningful level without the use of specific counseling theories.

Influenced by humanistic psychologists such as Carl Rogers and Rollo May, along with a societal movement toward equality, therapy has become more egalitarian. Video recordings of Rogers in action show a counselor reacting and sharing with his clients in surprisingly open ways. Rogers did not hesitate to express his own feelings in session, and modern practice more closely reflects his style than that of the early psychoanalysts. For many of Rogers’ clients, this intimate sharing of the counselor’s thoughts and feelings was a way to connect in a meaningful way, and it invited the client to respond in turn by being more authentic and immediate.

Still, it’s important for each person to be their own authentic self and not to imitate the work of another helper. Not everyone will be as comfortable using self-disclosure, nor is it the right tool in every encounter. When we disclose too much, too fast, we risk turning the focus onto ourselves. In some cases, we may increase the client’s anxiety because we are unintentionally introducing more problems to the helping encounter.

Instead, we need to be mindful of using self-disclosure in select circumstances and in limited doses. Here are a few quick guidelines to follow:

When self-disclosure goes wrong, we will find that clients are turning their attention to us. They may begin asking a series of questions about our own background – something groups make especially risky – or probing to evaluate the status of our recovery. These are tell-tale signs that we’ve gone off track and need to reset. Pivot away from discussions about yourself and back onto the client. Don’t allow the attention to stay focused on you, unless you are in a unique situation such as a self-help meeting where your role is to share your story.

In professional settings, the emphasis is on the client, and self-disclosure is used only as one of many tools to support their well-being. If clients seem genuinely curious to know more, explain that this isn’t the right setting for that kind of sharing and be able to describe why it’s important to use the time to get the work of recovery done. In individual sessions, there will be plenty of opportunities for helpers to reveal small bits and pieces that are nonetheless meaningful to the relationship. These revelations can help establish rapport without feeling personally invasive.

Self-disclosure can be a highly effective tool for relating to a client and letting them know we can understand at least a piece of what they’re experiencing, even if we can never put ourselves exactly in their position. For encounters where we do not share a client’s background, we can still relate to the affective elements of their story, and we should be mindful of letting the client express their own story to a non-judgmental audience.

Remember that the therapeutic relationship is a give-and-take. Although we as helpers are not required to share information about ourselves, it’s inevitable that we will. Doing so in an intentional manner may help the client feel more comfortable and can be useful in highlighting our own human reactions to situations.

[1] Zur, O. (2017). Self-Disclosure & Transparency in Psychotherapy and Counseling. Zur Institute.